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Image of Hope

As Jay Tabor heads for the dining hall at City Rescue Mission, he smiles at a little girl and her mother.  They smile back.  For Jay, it’s confirmation that he’s in the right place.  “I’m learning that a smile is the best medication,” he says.

Now 54, Jay recalls times when months or even years passed without a smile.  A combat soldier in Vietnam, he never forgot the grizzly scenes he witnessed.  Returning to the states, he worked as an engineer on oil rigs and with Boeing Company, but post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and bipolar disorder wrecked his career.  Jay was forced to retire at 41.

For the next 13 years, Jay was tortured by nightmares, seldom sleeping more than three hours at a time — awakening to find he had clawed his face in the night.  At times, he popped as many as 200 pills a week, but the demons didn’t go away.

“I came to City Rescue Mission pretty low,” he says.  “I was cold and hopeless.  I came with the clothes on my back.  I didn’t know a place existed where I could have a bed, hot water and food.”

Jay participates in our recovery program, and while he continues to receive counseling for PTSD through the VA, he finds the Mission’s Christian emphasis gives him emotional balance and joy.  “Even with all my dysfunctions, I go around smiling all the time.  People think I’m strange, but I’m just happy.”

Recently, Jay made another decision that will provide further stability.  “It’s my goal to get back on my medication [for bipolar disorder],” he says.  “The Lord has carried me through and I’ve grown, but I know He works through doctors, too.”

Jay is excited to find that part of recovery means helping others in distress.  Working in the Mission clothing room allows him to comfort others with fresh clothing and his signature smile.  “I get to clothe people now — it feels so good!  I’m feeling peace like I haven’t had for years.  I was tired of dying, so I got a new life.  You gotta walk before you run, and I know there are finer times ahead!”